Out of Body

The self-portraits in this exhibition reflect an emotional paradox: the desire to be  known, and the simultaneous fear of being fully seen. This basic human conundrum  effects everyone to differing degrees -- we crave connection, but worry that revealing  too much of ourselves will leave us vulnerable to rejection, judgement, or harm. We try  to control what we allow others to see, constructing personas through a combination  of candour and deception. Of course, regardless of these attempts, we can't control (or  even know) how others see us. The more we build barriers to hide behind, the more we  unwittingly reveal other parts of ourselves. This absurd but deeply human cycle runs  throughout the paintings in "Out of Body." 

We dress up as ourselves every day, constructing our identities with both honesty and  guile. The development of these paintings is similar -- the process is sometimes  obvious and sometimes concealed. Different materials and approaches co-exist on the  canvas, ranging from tightly-rendered depictions to unplanned stains of dripping paint.  Which is more "true," an accumulation of blended brushstrokes that look like  something recognizable, or an abstract drip of paint on the page? Like the compilation  of mark-making techniques, the figures in these pieces are also layered, with different  versions overlapping and obscuring each other as they strive to present a cohesive  self.  

The body is central to my understanding of myself and how others see me. Recently,  the body that I used to take for granted has revealed hints of danger -- breast cancer  scares, risk of heart disease, osteoporosis, menopause. My body threatens to become  alien and separate from my previous understanding of myself. Society also seems to  see me differently as I age, or stops seeing me at all. The invisibility of middle age  brings a sense of loss, but also freedom. I am beginning to envision a new  understanding of my identity, with a different relationship to my body and myself. I  hope that viewers can recognize themselves somewhere along the cycle of seeing and  being seen, and that viewers with all different bodies and identities can relate to these  pieces.